Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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