im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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