I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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