im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
