i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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