just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
