Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
