twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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