can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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