I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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