I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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