I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
