whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
