I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
