If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
