I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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