one might say we're banned from that church
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
