a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i think my cat just said my name.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
