Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
