did you get engaged???
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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