My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sobbing to NWA
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
