Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
