I have demons in me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
