dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
