you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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