hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
