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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This is god's gift to the unemployed.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b

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• (234): View more from Ohio

  Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?

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• (562): View more from California

  He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded

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• (347): View more from New York

  Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!

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• (727): View more from Florida

  You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.

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