I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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