I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
