So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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