omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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