Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
