since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
