I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
