I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize