I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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