When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you traded sex for a burrito?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
