she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
