Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
