You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's no shave November. This is our time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
