I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
