Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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