In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Randomize
