There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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