What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
