Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think my vagina is haunted
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
