We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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