i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
