my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
