I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
