Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
