Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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