is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
