Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
