Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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