i would punch a child for taco bell
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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