A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How does one acquire holy water?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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