Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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