Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
