i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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