I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
