Tell her she can't have a vagina
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
