I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
