i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
