I'm eating all of the evidence.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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