420 ftw
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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