Non-Jews are for practice
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
