I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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