be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
