Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
