My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
