Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
