i think my mom watched the whole time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
