??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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