at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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