I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
