found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
